Extra-Dumb Boy picked up to a very happy Dumb Man. Extra-Dumb Boy calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies panic before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually surreptitiously panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Dumb Man. Why was Extra-Dumb Boy trying to distract Dumb Man? Because he had snuck out from Dumb Man's with the Yearbook only eight days prior. It was a enticing little Yearbook... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Dumb Man got back to the subject at hand: his Yearbook. Extra-Dumb Boy panicked. Relunctantly, Extra-Dumb Boy invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Yearbook. Dumb Man grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Extra-Dumb Boy realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Yearbook and he had to do it thoughtfully. He figured that if Dumb Man took the noise-polluting import, he had take at least five minutes before Dumb Man would get there. But if he took the Stupid Vehicle? Then Extra-Dumb Boy would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Extra-Dumb Boy was interrupted by two insensitive Barneys that were lured by his Yearbook. Extra-Dumb Boy yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he aggressively reached for his wolverine and carefully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Stupid Vehicle rolling up. It was Dumb Man.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a mighty leap, Dumb Man was out of the Stupid Vehicle and went exotically jaunting toward Extra-Dumb Boy's front door. Meanwhile inside, Extra-Dumb Boy was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Yearbook into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his whale. Extra-Dumb Boy was angered but at least the Yearbook was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Extra-Dumb Boy indiscriminately purred. With a inept push, Dumb Man opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling zealous...zealot in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Extra-Dumb Boy assured him. Dumb Man took a seat uncomfortably close to where Extra-Dumb Boy had hidden the Yearbook. Extra-Dumb Boy grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Dumb Man was distracted. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, Extra-Dumb Boy noticed a oafish look on Dumb Man's face. Dumb Man slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Extra-Dumb Boy felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Dumb Man asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Yearbook right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Dumb Man's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Dumb Man nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Extra-Dumb Boy could react, Dumb Man aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Yearbook was plainly in view.
Dumb Man stared at Extra-Dumb Boy for what what must've been six minutes. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Extra-Dumb Boy groped explosively in Dumb Man's direction, clearly desperate. Dumb Man grabbed the Yearbook and bolted for the door. It was locked. Extra-Dumb Boy let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Dumb Man,' he rebuked. Extra-Dumb Boy always had been a little funny-smelling, so Dumb Man knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Extra-Dumb Boy did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, he gripped his Yearbook tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Extra-Dumb Boy looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Dumb Man. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Dumb Man. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Extra-Dumb Boy walked over to the window and looked down. Dumb Man was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Dumb Man was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Extra-Dumb Boy's place. Dumb Man had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Barneys suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Yearbook. One by one they latched on to Dumb Man. Already weakened from his injury, Dumb Man yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Barneys running off with his Yearbook.
About ten hours later, Dumb Man awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Dumb Man did not know where he was. Deep in the lonely bush, Dumb Man was really lost. Before anyone could take off their pants, he remembered that his Yearbook was taken by the Barneys. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a misshapen Barney emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha Barney. Dumb Man opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Barney sunk its teeth into Dumb Man's double chin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Dumb Man's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Extra-Dumb Boy was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Yearbook. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a quick thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Dumb Man... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Yearbook that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Barneys, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
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